


Pretty

by sightlessIntuitive (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU: Sburb session at 16, F/M, MTF!Dave, Sadstuck, Transgendered Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 03:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sightlessIntuitive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>When I heard that some people thought Dave was transgendered I thought they meant male-to-female transgendered which ended up generally not being the case so I thought hey I should make my own</p>
<p>There is also mild Stridercest because I couldn't resist putting it in there <strike>I'm sorry</strike></p>
<p>And this is in an AU because then Dove isn't underage</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I heard that some people thought Dave was transgendered I thought they meant male-to-female transgendered which ended up generally not being the case so I thought hey I should make my own
> 
> There is also mild Stridercest because I couldn't resist putting it in there ~~I'm sorry~~
> 
> And this is in an AU because then Dove isn't underage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confidence is easy until you're the one that needs it

"Bro."

 

Your voice is too loud in the quiet room, and as it echoes off of the walls your heart starts pounding and you wish you could just take it back. But the word is out there, and now you have to go through with this. You can feel yourself shaking and you struggle to maintain your composure.

 

He's sitting on the couch, absently playing with a new set of nunchaku he just got off the internet. You know he’s probably excited as hell about them, but he'll never let you know that.

 

Finally, after an eternity, Bro gives you an uninterested "Yeah?"

 

You don't know what you were expecting.

 

You open your mouth but choke on your words before you can get them out. Your hands are shaking and sweat is running down your back. It feels like the room is a thousand degrees, even though it's late October and your apartment's nonexistent heat is leaving the room at a brisk 51 degrees Fahrenheit.

 

You realize he's been staring at you while waiting for a response, but you can't get the words out and god dammit it's too fucking hot in this room.

 

You realize you'd spoken only after you finish your sentence. What finds its way out of your mouth is a quiet, almost strangled-sounding "I'm a girl."

 

The silence is deafening as the last of the noise fades away, and then the room is absolutely without sound.

 

Bro shatters the silence with a small laugh that's little more than a sharp exhalation. He might as well have been laughing in your face.

 

"Nice one, li'l man. I'll give you a point for that."

 

You jerk back as if he'd hit you. "I'm not fucking joking," you tell him forcefully. Your voice cracks on the last word and you just want to die because of how embarrassed and fucking afraid you are.

 

He looks at you more intently now, an arched eyebrow clearly showing his skepticism.

 

"I'm transgendered." You’re pushing it and you know it. You grit your teeth, glad you're wearing your shades because it at least hides part of your face. He's being so painfully silent and you just want to leave and hide in your room for the rest of your life.

 

After several minutes of nothing, you get tired of listening to your own breathing and grit out "Say something."

 

He breathes in deeply. "Go to your room." It's a whisper.

 

"Bro, I-"

 

"Go to your room, Dave." His hands are shaking too, and he snaps the words in your face.

 

You turn on your heel and run into your room, locking the door behind you and jumping onto your bed. You throw off your shades so the points don't stab your face and/or legs, curl your knees to your chest, and let the anxiety and fear explode into loud sobs that rack your body so hard it hurts.

 

**\-- tentacleTherapist** **[TT]** **began pestering turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **at 12:04 pm --**

**TT: Have you told him yet?**

**TT: Hello?**

**TT: Dave?**

**TT: *Dove, my apologies.**

**TG: its alright**

**TG: thats a big yes by the way**

**TT: Oh good; you're here.**

**TT: How did it go?**

**TG: he sent me to my room**

**TG: i dont know if hes mad or not**

**TG: probably is**

**TG: fucking texas upraising**

**TT: He probably just needs time to process what you've said. He'll come around. He loves you too much.**

**TG: ha i wouldnt be too sure**

**TG: not like the guy has any emotions**

**TT: Just because he doesn't outwardly express them doesn't mean that they aren't there. You need to just give him a little time.**

**TG: yeah and how long is a little**

**TT: As long as it takes.**

**\-- tentacleTherapist** **[TT]** **ceased pestering turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **\--**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Dove

You adjust the plastic tiara on your head while you sit, an old birthday tradition that has a slightly less ironic meaning this year. As he walks past you he ruffles your hair, which is still irritatingly short. The tiara falls down again and you sigh, abandoning the effort.

 

You don't have a cake. You never do; it's always pizza and apple juice for you on your special day. The empty plate lies in front of you and you lean back, content and full. Bro sits across the table from you, holding his soda glass but not drinking from it.

 

He throws a present in your lap, dodging your glass expertly. It's wrapped (using the term loosely) in two-week-old newspaper. You tear it open greedily.

 

"Hey now, that look awhile to wrap."

 

"I'm sure."

 

You finish opening with no change in your pace, though you take care when you unfold the red and white fabric. It's a dress, long-sleeved and emblazoned with your record symbol. It's basically your favorite shirt in dress form.

 

"Happy 13th birthday, little sis," he says to you, and you smile just a little.

 

You walk over and hug him, thanking him under your breath. A few months ago he would have made fun of you for it, but now he just pats your back. It's one of the ways he's treating you differently, and you're not quite fond of it, but it's something. He's started calling you Dove and referring to you with feminine pronouns, and he's promised to help you with whatever you need to transition. Which hasn't been much so far, but you're not planning on keeping it that way for long.

 

You run your hand over the soft, stretchy fabric and stand up.

 

"Where do you think you're going? We haven't done fireworks yet."

 

"Gonna try this on first." You can hear the eagerness in your voice.

 

He rolls his eyes behind his anime shades. You've long since looked past the utter ridiculousness of them, but now that yours no longer match his, you notice their ridiculousness significantly more. You make a mental note to thank John for the Ben Stiller shades when you get the chance.

 

You resist full-out running into your room, settling for walking quickly. You pull off the tiara along with T-shirt and flannel pants you wore to bed last night. After finding and putting on the special undershirt that makes you look like you actually have tits, you pull the dress over it. Some generous mascara darkens your white eyelashes, and lip gloss gives your lips some color. You hate how pale you are, white hair washing out any hint of color you might possess, but it's not your biggest concern and it's impossible for you to tan anyway.

 

When you figure you’ve done enough, you walk over to the mirror and mentally cross your fingers as you step into view.

 

You blink in surprise. The fabric falls in a way that hides your horribly broad shoulders and actually makes you look like you have a little bit of a curve in your waist. He made it himself; he had to have. It was too perfect. And with your hair parted like this you actually almost look like a girl.

 

You open the door. Bro's leaning against the opposite wall. He looks you over and nods approval. You aren't sure whether it's directed at you or the dress. You choose to assume it's you.

 

You curtsy for him before going back in your room.

 

"But fireworks," he whines behind you.

 

"I'm not gonna risk burning this dress."

 

He sighs dramatically but lets you change.

 

You admire the dress for another few seconds, and then figure you really should get changed. You get a fitted shirt (undershirt still on) and jeans on before you hear a ping on your computer, signaling a new Pesterchum message.

 

You put your new shades back on and look over. It's from John. Your heart skips a single cliché beat (you have a tiny bit of a crush on him).

 

Well, you can't leave him hanging.

 

**\-- ectoBiologist** **[EB]** **began pestering turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **at 8:53 pm --**

**EB: happy birthday dave!!!!!!!!**

**TG: thanks man**

**EB you like your shades?**

**TG: hell yes**

**TG: theyre fucking sweet**

**TG: well i mean theyre awful**

**TG: which is what makes them so sweet**

**TG: theyre the best present ever**

**TG: i literally love you so much right now**

**TG: like if you were on this side of the rockies i would find you and give you the biggest fucking kiss ever**

**TG: your head would do an acrobatic pirouette off the handle over the sheer intensity of that kiss**

**TG: so you up to it**

 

You never claimed to be a subtle girl.

 

**EB: i can't tell if you're being serious or not**

**TG: dead serious**

**TG: what would you say to an offer if a smooch fest with yours truly**

**TG: does that pique your interest at all**

**TG: make your little egderp heart go doki doki**

**TG: am i kawaii enough for you john**

**TG: am i**

**EB: heheh**

**EB: if you were a girl maybe**

**EB: but i'm not a homosexual, dave!**

**EB: :p**

**EB: ...**

**EB: dave?**

**EB: you there?**

 

You stare at your monitor, your tears turning the wall of text turned into a bicolored blur. You tell yourself that it’s not his fault; he doesn’t know you’re a girl. It doesn’t help.

 

 _If you were a girl_.

 

You’re too stunned and devastated to even really cry, so you just gape at your monitor with tears running down your face until Bro comes in to see what’s been taking you so long.

 

He reads the conversation, swears a few times, and turns his back from your computer to hug you. You’re still sitting and staring, lost in a rolling wave of self-hatred. His touch feels distant, and your total numbness would concern you if you even cared anymore.

 

He pats your hair, resting his chin on your shoulder and you absently think that he must almost be on his knees to reach this level. He softly murmurs to you to calm down, and you don’t know what he means until you realize that you’re shaking violently, breath coming in short and labored gasps. You roughly grab onto him, nails pressing into his back painfully because you just need to hold onto something right now.

 

The sobs finally break free, each one sending jabs to your wounded heart and tears down your flushed face.

 

Bro’s murmuring “It’s okay” repeatedly, doing something along the lines of rocking you, and you would hate the coddling if it didn’t make you feel a tiny bit better.

 

You find your voice. It’s small, but it’s there. “Why can’t I be normal?”

 

He pauses only a half second before answering, “No one’s normal, Dove.”

 

You ignore his vague (albeit very thoughtful) response and sob out “No one will ever like me for who I am.”

 

He tightens against you, only slightly, but you feel it. He relaxes his body all at once with a sigh and pulls away from the hug. All you see is your stupid, red, male face in his shades. He must know that you’re staring at yourself, because he pulls them off of his face before removing yours as well.

 

You can see right into his eyes and as naked as you feel, you know he feels the same way. You think you could lose yourself in the burning orange of his eyes, warm like soft flames.

 

You can’t remember if you’ve ever seen his eyes before. You don’t think so; there’s no way you wouldn’t remember them.

 

He looks right into your eyes when he says, “I do.” It’s the most honest thing he’s ever said to you in your life.

 

And then you lean forward and kiss him and you have no idea what the hell you’re doing but you don’t care.

 

Your heart is pounding in your chest and you tell yourself it's from fear but you can't quite convince yourself that it's true. His lips are warm and soft and he's being so gentle with you that it's almost jarring. It's nice how he feels pressed up against you, but most of all you love that he understands you, and he doesn't care how fucked up you are.

 

"I love you just the way you are, Dove," he whispers against your lips.

 

You kiss him again instead of replying, too light-headed to form a verbal response. You never want to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John what are you doing
> 
> John stop


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of pesterlogs and some cute striders. Nothing too important happens; sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I'm planning this now, this should have five chapters. I'm hoping to finish this by March but I'm super busy with school so we'll see.
> 
> I warn you now, this is the last happy chapter.

You flip on your phone in the middle of the next day’s breakfast (or what passes as such when it’s already one in the afternoon) and respond to John.

 

**\-- turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **began pestering ectoBiologist** **[EB]** **at 1:17 pm –**

**TG: hey**

**EB: hi! where’d you go yesterday?**

**TG: my bro called an impromptu strifing session nbd**

**TG: too tired to get back to you yesterday**

**TG: sorry about that**

**EB: it’s cool**

**EB: how’d you do?**

**TG: well obviously i kicked his ass egbert**

**TG: how the hell do you think**

**TG: have i ever beaten him**

**TG: ever**

**EB: okay, jeez, maybe you got lucky this time; i don’t know!**

**TG: ha yeah like thatd ever happen**

**TG: the dudes practically invincible**

**TG: but enough about my bro**

**TG: your birthdays soon right**

**EB: pff, like you don’t know!**

**TG: well of course i do when you mention it every fucking day**

**TG: sarcasm egderp**

**EB: /eyeroll/**

**EB: well now that we’re on the topic...**

**TG: jegus john**

**TG: i already know what im getting you**

**TG: i already know its next week**

**TG: what else could you possibly tell me**

**EB: it’s actually not about my birthday.**

**EB: it’s about that game**

**EB: it’s not coming out on the tenth anymore :(**

**TG: hold on let me guess**

**TG: its coming out on the**

**TG: damn wait give me a sec**

**TG: hm**

**EB: uuuuuuuugh you’re so annoying**

**EB: but yeah it’s coming out on my birthday now!**

**TG: dont know why youre hassling me about it**

**TG: i never said id play**

**EB: you should though!**

**EB: it’ll be fun!!!**

**TG: yeah maybe**

**TG: dont get your hopes up th**

**TG: hold on gotta go**

**EB: D: alright**

**turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **ceased pestering ectoBiologist** **[EB]**

 

“Do we _have_ to do this now?” you sigh as Bro’s lips continue playing along your neck.

 

“Mhmm,” he murmurs.

 

You roll your eyes behind your shades even though he can’t see you. The couch doesn’t offer a very comfortable position for him so he tries to climb on top of you. You half-heartedly try to push him off of you just for the sake of being a tease, and he growls before pinning you to the couch, hands above your head. He takes off your glasses and laughs at your expression, which might be fear if you weren’t way too cool for oh god his hands are moving up your shirt.

 

Yeah, John can wait.

 

*****

 

**\-- tentacleTherapist** **[TT]** **began pestering turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **at 5:46 am –-**

**TT: Are you there?**

**TT: It’s been awhile since you talked to your brother, and I was wondering how he ended up responding.**

**TT: If I’m correct, everything is alright, but I just wanted to mention something.**

**TT: I was hesitant about mentioning this to you early, but I’ve decided that withholding this would just be distasteful on my part.**

**TT: Now, I don’t know that much about your brother, so please take my hypothesis with a grain of salt,**

**TT: But from what I’ve observed and what you’ve told me, I think that it’s possible that**

**TT: He may have feelings for you.**

**TT: Non-familial ones.**

**TT: And I wouldn’t be mentioning this because under normal (well, what can be considered normal in this situation) circumstances, he wouldn’t even consider acting on his desires.**

**TT: But I know that you have feelings for him as well.**

**TT: You were... rather drunk when you told me this so I’m not sure if you remember.**

**TT: And he probably knows about your feelings, too.**

**TT: So just, be careful I suppose.**

**TT: I trust you to handle yourself, just a friendly warning.**

**TT: Um**

**TT: Your input would be appreciated here.**

**TT: Hello?**

**TG: rose**

**TG: im going to ignore the fact that its an absolutely obscene hour right now**

**TG: are you really suggesting that my brother wants to fuck me**

**TG: or date me**

**TG: i couldnt really tell there**

**TG: doesnt matter**

**TT: It was just a theory.**

**TT: I’m not implying anything.**

**TG: alright no thats bullshit**

**TG: you are obviously implying that my brother is just as fucked up as i am**

**TG: in this way at least**

**TG: which isnt exactly helping me deal with the fact that part of me wants to sleep with him**

**TT: You’re right; I’m sorry.**

**TG: damn straight**

**TG: youre playing with my little girl heartstrings right now and its hella rude**

**TT: You can drop the act, Dove.**

**TT: It’s just me.**

**TG: yeah right sorry**

**TG: its hard to stop that sometimes**

**TT: It’s alright; I don’t mind**

**TT: It’s just rather unnerving how much you let your “coolkid” persona become your actual personality.**

**TG: well i have to hide behind something more concrete than my shades**

**TG: starts to stick sometimes**

**TT: How long would you say this has been happening?**

**TG: oh no**

**TG: were not doing a full dove mental analysis here**

**TG: its too fucking early and i am too tired to deal with more of your psychoanalysis**

**TG: goodnight**

**\-- turntechGodhead** **[TG]** **ceased pestering tentacleTherapist** **[TT]** **–-**

 

“Mmm who’s what?”

 

“Just Rose.”

 

“Go back to sleep.”

 

“I will; trust me.”

 

You turn over and curl up into Bro’s arms, guilt setting in your stomach. Whether or not it’s true, she has no right to pry around in your personal life okay you can’t even convince yourself you weren’t being a huge bitch there.

 

You excuse yourself on grounds that it’s 5 in the goddamn morning, and you fall asleep to the sound of Bro’s heartbeat in your ears.

 

 

The next morning consists of a long apology to Rose followed by dodging questions about your current relationship with Bro. She probably knows anyway, but she doesn’t explicitly say so and you don’t push her to.

 

Right after you close out of your conversation, Bro takes a seat next to you on the couch. You wonder if he’s been standing around and waiting for you to finish your chat. Probably has.

 

 “Nice dress,” he notes, tugging at the hem. You slap his hand away lightly; you don’t want anything that might be on his fingers to smudge the perfectly white fabric.

 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you tease.

 

“Why not?” he grins. “I’m proud of my work.” His face is slowly moving closer to yours.

 

“Of course you are, you pretentious prick.”

 

He pulls away, frowning. “Well, I’m leaving then.”

 

You groan. “I was kidding, bro. Come ooonnnnn.”

 

“Nope, I got work to do.”

 

And then he’s gone from the living room and you fall back on the couch and sigh. You have a long debate for about five minutes about whether or not you should bury your pride and apologize to him. You decide that he’s just being a douche and you owe nothing to him. Shortly after reaching this conclusion, you fall sleep on the couch because you slept really really badly last night.

 

You wake up in your bed and roll your eyes. What a fucking sap.

 

(But you fall asleep with a smile on your face)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow I really need to code these; this is painful

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I will code the Pesterlogs. Eventually. When I know how. And have time.


End file.
